Imagine that your parents sat you down when you were about five years old and told you that you were adopted. You’re in a loving home and though you really don’t understand what adoption means, it all seems ok. Your parents told you “we chose you to be ours” and you felt secure. Now fast forward to your 30’s. You have questions in life. Who am I like? Do I have siblings? I need to know answers for medical issues – and I need them right now. Will my birth family want to know me? Why was I given up? The myriad of emotions would be overwhelming.
The person’s life I’m sharing about is Dave Wahl. For those of you who know him – he’s easy-going, forthcoming, friendly, loving and strong in character. He carries no hidden pretenses, doesn’t have agendas, and is honest and up front. But even more than those things, there is a depth to Dave that I found intriguing. Many months ago he shared a communion service about his life and I was blown away at his understanding of forgiveness. I decided to ask him about sharing his story to help me better understand grace for my own life.
When Dave went in search of his birth parents, he had preconceived notions and fears, like most of us would. God made it clear very quickly that the path Dave went down was the correct one. In fact, the second call he made out of the phone book turned-up his birth family! A reunion that very night was filled with tears and laughter, as Dave took his son and daughter to meet his birth parents and five new siblings. They were warm, out-going, family-oriented and opened their arms to Dave and his family. But the question still lingering in his mind had yet to be answered: "With all this love, why was I given up?" This is where God and his divinity step in.
When David’s birth mother Sharon became pregnant at 15 in 1959, it was not to a society accepting of unwed mothers. Her boyfriend (Dave’s father) was just 16 himself, and although they knew they wanted to be married, their parents were against it. Sharon’s older brothers, uncles and many other relatives tried to intervene, but Sharon’s mom would not allow her to keep the baby. Baby Abdoo was sold on the black market for $500 and his mother and father were helpless to do anything about it. They wed soon after the incident and raised 5 children, but they lived each day not knowing where their first son was, and if they would ever see him again.
The night that Dave met his birth parents, he received answers. Imagine the relief of knowing you were wanted. It made him feel good knowing that his parents fought to try to keep him. But what about the pain of knowing Dave's grandmother used her authority to take him away from his parents and being sold on the black market? How could she have done such a thing? The way Dave saw it, God’s timing was everything.
The Abdoo family was hesitant for Dave to meet his grandmother. They were angry with her and encouraged him to be angry with her also. Although he had every right, he felt he needed to meet this woman and try to understand. Instead of anger toward her, he felt pity and sadness. Her parents had died when she was young and she practically raised herself. No one cared for her. She trusted no one, got close to no one; she was dark and full of pain. She sold Dave for money – plain and simple. She also sold two of her own children. She avoided looking Dave in the eyes – she was ashamed. Her life was so full of hurt that all Dave could do was feel badly for her. She did what she did – but now it was over. The outcome was one that Dave had to interpret through his own eyes. Would he see it like he missed out, all those years without his birth family – void of relationships and feeling unwanted? Or would he view it that God had given him not just one loving family, but now two? Dave decided he would not be the one to condemn this woman. He left her home feeling sadness, but also closure – although bittersweet.
Maybe some of us would meet our birth family and feel great loss. We lived our whole lives without them! But Dave’s outlook on this was what amazed me. He is satisfied with where God put him – then and now. I think I might be bitter toward my grandmother who selfishly sold me as a baby in illegal trade. But when I asked Dave how he came to peace with these situations, his response was very enriching. He knows that God makes no mistakes. He believes he must have needed to be with the Wahl family for him to be what he is today – and for God to supply what he needed to become a Christian. He looks at the Abdoo family and it’s like a dream come true – to have all these new brothers and sisters, new relationship and such depth in such a very short time. Dave sees no loss, only gain.
Seeing God work through Dave’s life and all these circumstances has truly built my faith. His family was blown away that he wasn’t bitter about the past – that he only embraced the present. Dave told them his grandmother didn’t know God and she needed grace. He believes with all his heart that he needed to be with his adoptive family to become a Christian – and now, he has the benefit of another entire family. He is developing strong relationships with his new family, and shares with them about what God has done in his life. Dave considers it a win - win situation all around.
I asked Dave how he came to such faith, giving forgiveness easily, and he talked about several scriptures.